


Of the 109th Star

by YoRiSeiKu



Category: Suikoden
Genre: Sorry Not Sorry, yeah - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-12
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-08 11:58:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 11,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1132371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YoRiSeiKu/pseuds/YoRiSeiKu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Well, they're not exactly drabbles.<br/>But we have a view here of the 109th star incidentally summoned from an alter universe to the world of Suikoden.<br/>It revolves around a Silverburg strategist and the 109th star.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Joining a cause

**Author's Note:**

> One of these days this will have a real plot. XD

"What?? B-but! I'm just an ordinary human... I can't fight, I don't even know enough magic to fill a thimble! Sure I helped you plan your escape here... But still! You have Mr. Silverburg for that strategy thing. I'm sure he's much more than me... this is... this is serious. This is a war. A war! I... you don't even know anything about me. I'm sorry... I really don't think I can help out much."

Their Leader held on to my arm and looked at me with determined but pleading eyes. It felt that I'm their only hope for success. I blew my breath and weight my options. I decided to throw it all in spite of my misgivings about this.

"Okay... just until you get your real strategist back."

 

\---

 

And just like that, the Inn keeper joined our Leader's cause. I felt a lot more bad about myself for keeping up a fuss in joining a side to this war. Actually, I felt... more insignificant. Our numbers are swelling by the day.

I know leader is working hard in helping up unions join our cause. The castle is getting stufier and full.

I smiled as I remember that _Khaleen_ is actually getting embarassed about that fact that he's the first person that you will see upon entering the main hall. Guarding the slab of destiny is alot tougher than it looks, he said.

And then we discover that the Leader isn't just  _that._ He is the son of the Emperor. The late Emperor I should say. So technically he's the one next in line for the throne, yet he was ousted from his rightful place by an atrocious accusation of killing his own father, which he says he didn't do, there are little to none people who wouldn't believe Leader once he speaks.

Hence the faction, rebellions and greedy people vying for power on the scattered land because their beloved little Emperor was stripped of his rightfull honor. 

Typicaly human behavior. I dont think I'm glad to see  _that_ didn't change.

 


	2. Mr. Silverburg

I'm starting to learn the history of Kannakan, as per Mr. Silverburg's suggestion, starting from the wars.

There's so many wars its almost painful to read. Urgh.

I decided to stay and learn anything I can from the great strategist Mr. Silverburg even they have already rescued him form the oposing camp. The student in me still thirst for knowledge.

Can you believe it? Mr. Silverburg's whole clans main occupation is being a military strategist. It's like having a whole clan of lawyers.

I can hear him approaching now, I guess quiet time is over. He's gonn quiz me for sure. 

*snort* and here I thought that I left those experiences when I got mysteriously entangled in this world... speaking of which... I still have no idea how am I supposed to get home... I guess I'll have my answer if I get to talk to a powerful wizard or something. _Maybe_ after the war is over and everything dies down a bit.


	3. Shock

I... I killed someone today.

It tried to attacked _Mr. Silverburg_ and our Leader.

It was a girl. Younger than me I think.

 _Saeki_ said it was a trained assassin.  _Saeki_ is Leader's guardian. Why he wasn't present with them, I have no idea.

 _Mr. Silverburg_  asked me to remind him to bring the maps for that day's war after I have finished them. I wasn't invited to the war meeting ofcourse. I... I'm not that high ranked I guess. 

I only serve as a second voice in _Mr. Silverburg's_ reasoning strategy... I'm not... I'm... oh GOD! I killed someone!!... was... is that wrong?... oh my god... I... supposed I'm so poor skilled that I killed that poor girl. I'm sure someone else might have just incapacitated it... or... detained for questioning... yes... or... ah.

Yes. It was after I went back to the library and I saw that  _Mr. Silverburg_ had left the map that I gave back. So I decided to pass by the war room and pass it to a guard or something.

I did find it odd that no guard was posted outside the war room. But what do I know? 

I remeber having so bad goosebumps at the unnaturalness of it that I actually felt week-knee. I tried to shake it off and unsteadily walked to the double doors. I pressed my ears to it and all I heard is silence.

I was so stupid to assume that the war meeting was over, I know _Mr. SIlverburg_ mentioned that they last for hours. 

I opened the double doors without warning and the first thing that caught my eyes is a black clad thing lunging forward to  _Mr. Silverburg,_  it was on my side of the door, what was more confusing was... I didn't even stop to consider. I just... my body just reacted.

All it took was one big sprint and I had my arm around it, I had slipped a dagger to the hilt on it's neck, just below where it meets the shoulder. I didn't even know when I took out my dagger to stab the thing.

I literaly froze when I felt the weight of the dead body falling down on me. I couldn't let go of the dagger embeded on that things body. My arms around the thing's shoulder wouldn't move. I know my mouth was making a perfect 'O' in a silent scream.

I slipped backwards, the momentum toppling us backwards and splashing my face with warm blood. That's when I panicked. 

I actually didn't know what happened next. _Mr. Silverburg_ said I went into shock but didn't colapse. 

I came to myself inside _Mr. Silverburg's_ room, he was washing my face with a warm towel, and I almost fell from my seat in shock. Seeing him face to face this close was enough to jolt me out of my seat. Then he actually _chuckled_. He explained questions will be asked tommorow and that I should sleep. 

I stifly walked out of the room and down the corridor to my room. I was so relieved we were on the same floor. I didn't think I could travel farther than a floor. 

After I closed the door that's when everything came crashing down around me. I think _Mr. Silverburg_ will be harsh on questioning tommorow. I kept thingking about little inconsequenses, like who will have to move that body or where I had put the map I was supposed to give to Mr. Silverburg. 

But whatever I did. I can't seem to make my hands stop shaking. Eventualy the shaking leaked to my arms, down my torso, to my knees, next thing I knew my teeth are chattering. 

Two shock in one day might honestly kill me.

 


	4. Going out

I talked to leader and asked to take me with him for battles.

It didn't have to be the major battles. Just even when he's wandering around. Looking for people to recruit. I can make a perfect back up. I'm getting good with the defense spells.

He looked at me with those honest brown eyes and grinned.

"It's about time Jin!" he then lowered his voice "You're not doing this to avoid Resse are you?"

I couldnt stop myself on time and I puffed out a small laugh. It was getting quite... stifling when I'm around Mr. Silverburg.

"He's gonna reprimand me when I agree you know..." Leader reufully added.

I smiled a little and said "I actually want to see how _Khaleen_ use that massive staff of his!" and we both laughed. 

"You'll be surprised" leader answered soberly. 

 

\---

 

Mother Hen. That's what I will refer to him from now on. 

 _MISTER Silverburg_ vehemently disagreed to let me join the field and said that I will do more good being left behind at the castle. 

He actually had the gall to lock me inside the library, the exact words were "You are to stay here and read these materials, I will come back for you after the diplomatic meeting is over." 

I was tempted for the first time to sass back, sure I respect Mr. Silverburg plenty. 

But! This is... this is!! I just grumbled and he let himself out. 

After the footsteps died down, I went to check the door and confirmed. The door is locked. 

My heart sinking, I messed with the books he left on the table. War strategies. Philosophies on cultural differences. History. Law on Diplomacy and many more law books. 

*sigh* I looked at the window and I suddenly had a very good idea. 

He did say "read the materials" and didn't say what materials specifically. My smile grew to a smirk.

I rummage the entire library and there it is. Conspisiously enough, in a red spine leather bound book Kannaan Forest Fairytales.

I laughed, but I wanted something more racy. Surely love novels are already invented in this time? 

I searched some more and found some promising titles, To Love a Northern Star. The Love Tragedy of Samael and Reinel. The Secrets of Love. I actually laughed out loud for a good minute when I found these. What a read! 

I chose a chair near the window and pulled a bread to me that was conviniently left for my consumption. I might get lovesick at some point but atleast I defied Resse a bit.

 


	5. Prude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Change of POV :3

I knew that brat would be asleep when I came to collect her from the library.

Atleast I kept her inside the castle the whole day.

I didn't know what came to me.

It wasn't that I was afraid for her safety. The emperor can protect her, what more with _Khaleen_ and the others. And she can definitely protect herself when it comes down to it.

Maybe I was just mad that she didn't consult with me first. Or maybe it was just for the purely selfish reasons.

I actually felt more lighter giving out battle plans and strategies when I get her opinions first.

True her ability is not as wide as mine, but her perception and erratic thinking gives the plan much more edge and thought. She actually sulked when I cornered her inside the Library,

"But there's no up coming battle! You're actually going to sign a treaty!" there was a little frown on her face and her lower lip pushed out prettily. 

I guess this expression is called crossed, I didn't know it will be this adorable on a girl.

It's times like this that I liked our encounters.

I stopped infront of the library, being her, I guess she must have read the history first, becoming more sulky and must have half read the war strategies.

Unlocking the door, I spotted her at the sofa near the window and deeply asleep. Her reading material lay open face down covering her mouth and resting on her chest.

I was about to wake her up when I saw the title she was reading "The Secrets of Love".

Indignation. Shock. Curiosity. Finally I settled for irritated.

I deliberately dropped the brass key to the floor, it rang quite loudly and she stumbled out of her stupor.

I told her off for reading such garbage, she should be ashamed of the more respectable books in the library. If it could actually make a sound they would be scoffing at her for reading such things. 

She pointed out to me that I specifically said to read materials not on what category it should be. I know she's twisting my words to suit her, but I stopped short. Other books scattered around her are about on the same subject. 

"As we are on the subject matter. Why books about love?"

She peered at me curiously. Batting her eyelashes slowly, though for my sanity I know she's doing that unconsciously. Finally her honey brown eyes rested on me.

"And here I though I wouldnt be quized when I read something about this subject."

She immediately looked back to her page and hid her face as if she was absorbed in what she's reading. I didnt budge from my position. I heard her sigh. Without looking up she spoke through the book.

"That really is my reason, I thought you wouldn't be inclined to ask something from such a subject."

Is she...?

"Are you suggesting that I have no sizable knowledge in that subject that I wouldn't be qualified to ask you something about it?"

I know I sounded pathethic and whiny but I wanted to know her reasons why she would want to read such things. Why am I insisting anyway... it's not as if that concerns me.

she was answering "Oh no, nothing to do with knowledge of it, just the amount of interest. Don't tell me you like reading stuff like this?"

Again with that bland way of speaking, it's not that it's streetlike... _reading stuff_... it's really not common to phrase something like that. I was taking long to answer so she peered from her book again. I met her stare squarely.

"From what ungodly perception did you derive that thought from?" she answered so fast and so surely I almost choked from laughing.

"You're a prude."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still silverburg's POV next


	6. Just a Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still Silverburg's POV :3

The episode from the library last week wasn't thank _goodness_ repeated.

After I recovered from the laughing fit caused by her derrogatory comment, though for the life of me I just cannnot figure why I laughed my head off. 

Maybe it was the manly pride or just an intense desire to prove her wrong, so I did what I think is best suited. Leveling a stare at her, I slowly knelt to her eye level, a hand hovering above the book she clutched in case it spoils my plan, ghosting a finger on her unkempt locks, 

"Prudish men, _turn_ themselves away from tempting situations," Completely plucking the book from her unresisting hands, her eyes was frozen on my face.

Curling my finger in a strand of lock from her forehead, "not  _initiating_  it, no?"

My eyes suddenly fell to her lips. For a moment, I really wanted to press mine to those tempting lips, just like everything about her, their color were unussual too and unrouged.

_Apricot? Not pink nor red, just like a morning dawn, subtle... will it taste like dawn? Warm, inviting or invigorating?_

I realized I was staring when those lips parted slightly revealing her moist tongue, I was almost leaning in when an intake of breath made me remember my place. 

Jin gasped again and flushed red 

_"O-okay, i w-was wrong, y-you're not a pruuude.."_

Her voice was trembling so badly I wanted to lean in again and finish what I started. 

What is wrong with me? My body seems to be bent on being disobedient. 

_"R-resse?..."_

Her voice sounded so faint and so unsure, it's the first time I heard it like that. And more over it's _my_ name she's whispering. My pulse raced. Well that confirms it. I am not a prude. 

I smiled and stood up, 

_"R-resse?...uh..."_

She said it again, though now it's more of a confused, _what are you doing?!_   What _am_ I doing? I planned to just ruffle her hair, but baser instinct still prevailed. 

Now that I'm standing I cleared my head, her scent is no longer pervading my senses, vanilla and something else, the homely kind you smell when baking home made cakes. 

Licking my lips i said 

"I'm glad you reiterated your last observation and realize I'm no prude, just a man." 

_"O-oh"_

Her voice was still trembling and I made the mistake of looking back down at her. Her cheeks are still tinted with a blush and I really _really_ wanted to brush a hand against it. I clenched my hands firmly to my side to prevent temptation. 

Her eyes were still staring at me as if waiting for something. 

"pfffftt" and I burst out laughing again, whenever this girl is concerned, why can I readily give a laugh? 

She became redder and started to stomp off in the direction of the door. 

I turned to watch her exit when she gave me a full fisted blow on the stomach. 

_"Laugh it off then! it's rude making fun of a girl!"_

I grimaced and sat heavily on the couch. That was a heavy fist! Maybe I  _did_ overdo it with the laugh.


	7. Sleepless

_POV JIN_   


 

I'm here, in a place I have no idea had ever existed, in a war I absolutely have no plan to really join, with people that I have just known, I have just started to care for. 

I have no idea if I can really go home, AND I just happen to have a... a crush on my mentor. A crush. Heaven help me. I sounded just like a besotted fool saying that word. 

A crush! ha! blarbengarbanoobles. Why does these things happen to me? Why at a time like this? Why have an infatuation at a time like this? Especially at a time like this??? 

Zhuljin Mieya Hao Koujo you are in so much trouble! Why him? Of all the cutest, eligible, and god bestowed handsome men on this plane and time, why did you choose Resse Silverburg? Why Jin's heart? WHY? Did I mention why in the middle of a freaking WAR?! 

I finally exhausted myself. Aarguing to myself is kind of a habit I picked up since highschool. I sound more and more insane as I ponder why I have this feeling over him. questions just brought more questions so I stopped before I had a migrane.

I am absoloutely one hundred percent sure that there are no mefenamic medicines here, and the word migrane would just produce more headache-able questions than a cure. 

I turned again from my bed in attempt to just sleep my problems off. 

"i miss my mp3 player" i mumbled. A nice loud song would be nice for tonight. It can really make my oncoming headache go away, and not to mention lull my buzzing thoughts to sleep. 

I started to sing a lullaby to my self, humming it softly not sure if my voice could be heard in the hallway or anything. When I was confident enough I started to sing the lyrics, weaving it with hums, distractedly pulling on my hair as if someone is stroking them, effectively making me feel sleepy. 

I started to repeat the lullaby again and closed my eyes. I started to really drift off now, but my body flailed suddenly and my eyes snapped fully awake, I cursed audibly. "Blarbengarbanoobles" i hissed not caring that it doesnt really meant anything. 

The image flashed again behind my eyes that caused me to violentyly wake. Resse's face close to mine, glancing down at my lips, closer, closer... 

"and your smile is tattoed on my mind, and i cant get you out of my dreams... yes i know your tattoed, on my mind your tattoed" 

The annoying song floated to my head repeating itself and implanting itself to my brain. 

So much for sleep. 

I stretched and decided to just go meandering around the castle. I was walking down the hallway when I unconciously stopped to stare at his door. My fingers were itching to touch the knob, turn it and peek inside.

Yep, I'm in so much trouble. 

Distancing tactics commence. 


	8. Age Gap

_POV RESSE:_

Ever since that incident she avoided being alone with me in a room. If "Mr. Silverburg" was a harsh reminder that I was nothing more but a respected Teacher, the little imp transcended to higher form of torture and started calling me "Lord Silverburg" after the battle of White Wall.

True enough we recovered and siezed the land taking the Red Wolves Castle along, and the Emperor have gained more supporters, just reimbursting my position and power. In truth be told, power is making me more weary.

I sighed and continue walking down the corridor, out of habit I guess.

I always walked down here, it's the long corridor leading to the library and the Garden balcony, this is where I almost always see Jin wandering.

This is now the only place I can see a glimpse of her alone.

I sighed again, this is most disconcerting, whenever I find myself alone, my thoughts always wander to that girl, the episode in the library and the little things I find endearing about her. A stifled laught was brought in by the wind from the window I was standing on, Khaleen, Jin, Saeri (Saeki's little sister) the Emperor, Kaya and Sheen was out at the garden bantering amongst themselves, Khaleen was starting again

_"But seriously! **You're** only 19 Jin?! The way you assist Master Resse I kind of thought you were more like his age. You definitely think way more advanced than any among us though. Were you an aprentice strategist before too? "_

_"No, not really, more like a studious person."_ she chuckled and continued  _"Though i dont know about that almost as old as Lord Silverburg, how old is he anyway?"_

The emperor interrupted now,  _"Oh, Resse is... about... He just turned 25 last equinox!"_

Kaya nodded with him  _"Yup, as young as he is, Old Master Silverburg poured everything he knows to Resse so he could succeed early."_

_"But, wouldnt that make Master Resse's childhood kind of rough? You know being made to master strategical theories and tactics at such a young age?"_

Jin gave a sympathetic ascent,  _"Yeah that would be difficult, having expectations above your head will be a heavy burden, especially if you are not just expected to rise above it, but is also a given that you will be."_

The emperor interrupted again,  _"You know Jin, you talk like you have experienced that burden. Are you really not from a tactician family?"_

Jin gave a nervous laugh  _"What? Is this an interrogation?"_ Another uneasy laugh  _No, I'm definetely not from a tactician family. Just demanding parents. Demanding perfection from their only offspring that had gotten far in the academics proffession."_

 _"You're not lying."_ Seiri stated.

Jin sighed,  _"I was having a feeling that this afternoon tea at the garden was a ploy to make me talk. You know, if you wanted to know something you could have just asked me.."_

All of them laughed then Khaleen said  _"There you go Emperor! The insight of our very own shadow tactitian! Ask away!"_

_"Khaleen!"_

_"Spoil sport..."_

_"Uhm guys really, what is it?"_

_"Well... it's about..."_ The emperor's voice lowered dramatically and I found it hard to catch his words. Another sigh escaped me, seems like I will never know what it was,

I was about to turn around and leave when Jin's outburst halted me.

_"WHA-AAAAAT?"_

She stood up so abruptly that her chair was knocked over, and she was already briskly walking away from them. So my dilemma came, I am going to face her soon and she's upset.

A.) Do I let her see me and deal with her current predicament

B.) Turn tail and run

C.) Just nod to her and continue as if nothing concerns me.

Too late.

She came in to view and immediately caught sight of me. What I didnt expect is her reaction to seeing me. She blushed furiously like she was caught, she glanced back behind her then to me and the corridor behind me as if contemplating the safest route out. Deciding, she gritted her teeth and walked looking at her feet. she neither looked nor acknowledge me as she passed.

I suprised myself by taking her arm, she spun around looking shocked at me and if possible she became even more redder.

"Is there something wrong Jin-"

_"myapologieslordsilverburgihaftago"_

she wrenched her arm back and ran the full lenght of the corridor. Another sigh slipped past, _I'm six years older than her... w-what? what am I thinking!_


	9. Migraine

_POV Jin:_

 

I woke up to light filtering my window and a million little devils pounding on my skull.

Worse than a hangover, painfull than a toothache; migraine my worst enemy.

I closed my eyes again and willed myself to sleep it off. I woke again to the light knocking on my door. I kept silent. I know if I opened my mouth I would start to wretch horribly. Yep little devils increased to some millions more and was still pounding on my skull. I managed a groan and hoped to god the knocking would stop.

"It's me Roger, please Lady Jin, it's almost afternoon and you havent even had a morning repast... Lady Jin?"

Oh it was the cook.

The knocking again and I winced some more, the sound bounced around my already sore head. I sat up my bed and swung my feet to stand up. It felt the same, just the pounding headache.

I stood up shakily and shuffled to the door, giving my most irritated glare,

I grumbled that I just want some soup, something easy to eat, that I am sick should anyone look for me and that PLEASE no one disturb me or make noises near my room.

I flopped back to my bed and contemplated death, leaving the door open the cook swiftly left for my order, I scrunched my eyes shut.

Even opening my eyes makes me want to hurl. I heard footsteps again and I cursed the heavens in every languange that I know that roger is so diligent.

Although the door is open he knocked again,

"ROGER, please dont make a NOISE. My head is dreadfully pounding agaisnt my skull and I dont need anymore help from that infernal KNOCKING!"

I really wanted to scream that but all I managed was a weak whining.

"You're sick Jin?" thank you captain obvious! But as it was, with my condition, I just groaned. "I've sent for Doctor Yu, I'm coming in. I'll go open the windows, fresh air will do you good."

I just hmmed my answer. As Resse is a very intelligent person he kept quiet to his task.

I was jerked to awareness when I heard Resse's soft voice

"How do you feel Jin?"

"Like there's a thousand little dwarves pounding on my head." Resse chuckled at that,

"You should relax Jin" yeah right, like that's easy. Relax.

"You're still frowning." I smiled at that.

What I wouldn't give to see his expression now. But I'm afraid if I open my eyes i'll go throw up on him.

"Almost relaxed."

I chuckled, he's like coaxing a kid to calm down pffft. If I was on top shape I would have laughed my ass off.

"Here..." I heard clothes rustling and the side of the bed dipped.

I guess he sat there. Wow. I thought Resse was the perfect picture of prim and proper, manners and decorum.

Wait did he said 'here'?

My eyes fluttered open against my will, but almost instanly butterfly touches of his fingers to my eyelids made them close.

"Close your eyes and relax. Listen to my voice."

"Are you going to drone on about triton wars or such?" I couldnt stop myself from saying, but he laughed softly

"No... I... wait a moment." more rustle and the door closing softly and a click.

I think my heart skipped a beat. Did he just -gulp- locked my door? He resumed his place from before. If he touches me i think my heart will die from over work. It's actually steadily pounding hard true to it's intention. Great now my heart AND head are hammering agaisnt their respective confines.

"You're flushed Jin, " again I just grunted. I dont know what to say to that,

"You know, I know that despite your condition you are still perfectly articulate."

"I hate you Resse." he laughed again.

A long quiet moment passed and my lips twitched into a smile. He gave a wry chuckle.

I had an idea.

"Lord Resse Silverburg, Commandeer 1st fleet and Head Strategist of the Emperor's Federal Army, are YOU staring at me?"

"Yes."

I sucked a breath, heart pounding delirously.

"What are you doing?"

"Are you feeling well now?" he completely ignored my question

"A bit. But you're distracting me from the pain I think."

"Well... yes, I guess... Let me distract you more." he brushed wisps of stray hair from my face, and continued gliding his fingers through my hair, blunt nails grazing my scalp he hesitated a bit but then continued his ministrations.

Hopefully I concealed my little shiver at that. I think I purred, or moaned, or hummed contentedly, or a mix of the three.

"Jin, you're blushing quite red..."

"Gee, I wonder why Resse?"

"Hmm, why indeed..." though I gotta applaude the man, his hands were perfectly non-shaky when he said that in an increadibly sexy bedroom low voice.

Did I have a migraine? I think I dont have it anymore. Yup, Reesse has got to be the fastest mefenamic remedy I ever had.

I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to sit up and let him pet my hair. My eyes fluttered open, his hand stopped for a millisecond then resumed again, he smiled blindingly at me. Like those sappy boyish smiles, you know. Like he was exluding a certain glow. Or that may have been because I just opened my eyes. But! His smile was really heartbreakingly nice, beautiful, perfect, amazing, my poor brain cannot think of anymore adoring words.

I gave him a cheesy smile in return. I lurched forward to sit down, but then suddenly pain bolted behid my eyes as my world careened crazily around.

"Jin!!" 

Nausea. Shit. My head felt heavy again.

"Are you alright? You wanted to sit up?"

I groaned pitieuosly. Trying to ignore the sudden pounding in my head, trying not to open my mouth or move my head at all. Resse held my shoulder and supported my back as he pulled me into a sitting position, he let me rest on the headboard of the bed before putting some pillow behind me.

"There, I assume sudden movements disturbs your well being?"

I returned to my wonderfull speech pattern before and hmmed my answer.

"I'll be gentle then..." mother-of- g-this man knows how to make a girl flustered!

He then continued petting my hair and i relaxed to the pattern.

"Jin..." his voice sounds suspiciously closer.

"Mmmmyes?" a rustle of clothes, then there was a loud knocking on the door, I groaned and sunk further to the pillow eyes still closed.

"It's Doctor Yu, Master Resse sent for me Lady Jin, can I come in?"

Reese let out a long sigh, his breath tickled my face.

_OH._

Oh my... he was just inches from my face?! I... oh god...what would have happened if my eyes were open and I wasn't fighting to retch my guts out. No question about it, I would cross that tiny spec of space between us.

Someone cleared a throat and I opened my eyes leaving my musings behind. There stands Doctor Yu and Reese standing behind. 

"How are you feeling Lady Jin?"

I scrunched my eyes closed again and gritted my teeth.

"My head feels like someone is pounding agaisnt it. From where I come from this is called Migrane, people who constantly think has the unfortunate luck of having this. The remedy for it is an advanced medicine called Mefenamic which I guess you dont have."

"You know Jin, it's so very unlady like to growl at someone." Resse chuckled and Doctor Yu laughed.

"It's quite all right Lady Jin, I do understand your predicament, as you said ofcourse such advanced medicine cannot be on hand for the moment. So I will prescribe a lot of rest and some nourishment, I believe Monsieur Roger has prepared a repast for you. After then I shall give you medicinal herbs to alievate your intense headache."

Doctor Yu gave a wistfull smile. And thus began the epic 2 day mothering of The Shadow Tactictician. Reesse always drops by the evening to give me soothing conversations. 

The emperor drops by whenever he happens to pass by and gives me fruits, the girls ussually keeps me clean and fed. 


	10. Great Minds..

_POV Jin:_

 

Hmmm.. How long was it since I last tasted chocolate? More months that I could care to count.

It was a hot sticky afternoon. I want to go to the bathhouse, but it was way too steamy and the water is hot. I thought I could visit the stream, but the girls were there, doing their laundry.

Maybe I could chill out at the battlements. Hopefully there are no people there. When I reached the floor, I heard men dragging a huge slab of marble and Jude was commandeering them.

I guess battlements is out too. urgh. The patio garden is probably full of people cooling off too. I'd brave the telescope tower if I didn’t know the giant Octopus was there.

Should I head out to South Window? No.. the town will be packed with people this time. Two river? It is usually quiet at the winglies... But it'll be too far... Why am I avoiding water towns? Because it would be rank with dead fishes in this heat!

Maybe... the library. Striding with purpose, I crossed the halls and went outside to the library. I creaked open the doors and went inside. Instantly the hustle and bustle of life outside the castle died. As usual it is musty and cool. Yes! I'm a genius.

Unlike Resse's mini Library, the emperor's library is a massive building of collection of books. I exactly know the place that I should go to cool off, 2nd floor reading table under that immense window that doubles as a door.

Heading there, I heard quiet chatting, and it was too late to back out unseen. Saeri, the Emperor and Resse were at the table, seemingly, trying to cool off too.

The emperor was wearing a short sleeved version of his haori, black, emerald green and gold linings and loose kata pants. Similarly, Seiri was wearing those too, only the emerald green was replaced by Blood red, the sign of the Emperor's elite guards.

Resse was wearing a lot less clothing too, none of those heavy looking robes he's wearing a simple long white tunic, lined with red and belted at the waist with the same loose kata pants. I subconsciously looked down at myself. Drat! I was wearing the same thing.. without the loose kata pants but slashed tunic at the sides, a light breeze will show my legs.

"I swear emperor, we didn't talk about dressing the same thing!'' They chuckled and I sat beside Resse.

And since when did he become 'Resse' from being Lord Silverberg?

A light breeze came in and all of us sighed at the welcome intrusion. I closed my eyes to enjoy the silence and wished I had the insight to bring something sweet so all my cravings can be squashed in one go.

'Well, great minds think alike.' the emperor murmured and Resse grinned at that.

I ignored them and dreamt of chocolate...


	11. Closed off

_POV Resse:_

_"M-mazus is... uhm... Lord Mazus said he can take care of my problem if we should do it now."_

**IT???**

"Do _what_ now?"

_"Nothing you should concern yourself with"_

Again with that closed expression.

Whenever she doesnt want to be questioned or when she's avoiding a topic she revert to that kind of expression. To someone who might not know her, her expression may seem to be just merely bored, Half lidded eyes, straight unconcerned face, slow blinking eyes as if she's trying to keep them open.

But I've seen it again and again, that exact moment you ask "why" or "what" whatever she doesnt want to share, the true depth of her eyes goes dark and blank, it's like a space in the starless skies, you know there is supposed to be a light there yet all you can see is hollowness, like the light has been sucked out forcefully. 


	12. Brought back

_POV Resse:_

 

She was wearing a cloth like thing so short it barely covered half her thighs, and it was designed and cut like the dresser was out of materials.

Only a thin strap was clinging to both her shoulders to anchor the dress to her body, though anchoring it was not in the question because the cloth was clinging to her body like it was molded! More so to her chest, exposing her neck shoulders and thighs!

Did they summon her at the wrong time? Is that what she wears to sleep??

But she was holding a market bag full of food and some other things he have no name for. Her hair is up too, being held by a small trinket in a knot, the back of her neck also exposed. He tried to swallow and found that his mouth felt like he had swallowed sand.

He really didn’t want to be the first to greet her back, more on the second to the last is his liking or maybe just smile at her from afar and that was the reason he was so far behind amongst the people around the great hall.

But as the throes of people gathered around her commenting on how her people dresses, tossing banters and greetings and welcoming words, Khaleen commenting how her complexion changed, Saeki pinching the cloth she's wearing and exclaiming it of such smooth and fine linen, he grew more and more agitated.

"Kyaaa, such long smooth legs!"

Someone squealed, he heard her embarrassed chuckle, something was preventing him from keeping away though, making him move across the room and reaching her, he slipped his haorIoff and closed his eyes, _what a pain_ he muttered,

He draped his haori on her shoulders effectively covering her exposed skin, she immediately turned her head to face him.

_"Oh! What?... Resse"_

She sighed his name and gave him a warm smile.

He felt something squeeze his heart.

_Gods above! A year has already past. A year! Damn this feeling!_

_"Thank-"_ I cut her off before anything else

"Yes, yes, well come along then, the shadow tactician needs to dress herself up a bit more appropriately for our timeline. Everybody back to your post and carry on."

That was it.

The insane urge to hide her from everybody.

It was the one emotion that propelled me to go to her.

Jealousy. That everyone can see her like that, can see her skin, her perfect lithe body, those smooth- _GODAMNIT RESSE! This is NOT the time to be lusting after her._

_"Err, were you listening Resse?"_

"Of course I’m not, what was it again?"

_"Hah, I was asking how your year was."_

Even how she laughs changed and turned even more matured,

How was the last year without her?

Lonely, Boring, Lifeless, did I mention lonely?

"It was...Bland, same old routine, helping the emperor run the state. Mine is a very boring story. So, how was _your_ year?"

_"Well, it was kind of lonely without you guys, and boring, my work there isn’t half as exciting as what I have here and... But how's the emperor? I see he's busy for a change! hahh"_

"He still insists on personal patrol of borders, I think I can’t dissuade him anymore on that habit."

We reached her old quarters, just a room after mine.

"Nothing is touched in your room and I think your clothes there will still fit, I’ll let you freshen up now and rest and we can have early morning tomorrow for your briefing. I do advice you to refrain from staying up too late, I know you'll want to talk and know how it is with the others but tomorrow is a formal war meeting."

She nodded and said nothing. We are standing awkwardly outside her door; she was still unwilling to go inside and I was still unwilling to leave her.

_"I... uh shou-"_

"Just- what were you going to say? I knew you wanted to say something more before commenting about the emperor..."

_"o-oh... you caught that huh... this is embarrassing... you know I don’t lie... and it's really uncomfortable if I keep secrets from you..."_

"I-I’m not imposing! Really, if it was-"

_"I missed you."_

She gave a shy smile and proceeded to open her door,

I was still staring after her, even when she had closed her door.

Is it possible? For us to continue where we left off?


	13. What a dawn

_POV Resse:_

 

I woke up with the chirping of the birds. The slip of sunlight filtering through my window looks like its glowing, the morning breeze wafts to my room fully waking me to consciousness.

_I remember this smell... where did I..._

I gave a deep breath and started my morning routine. As it is my custom, I would take tea to the hanging garden before everything, bed head, bed clothes; I just slipped a thick haori to ward off the cold morning and washed my face.

A servant was already there and has a serving of tea. Good, they were quite prompt this morning, in spite of the early hour.

I was organizing my thoughts for what will be discussed today and sipping my tea, hence I missed the movement that someone came in the garden. The crisp morning breeze blew by me and I savored its smell,

My heart thudded and I was puzzled as to why.

I didn’t know a morning breeze makes my heart thud like this.

I flicked my eyes to what I thought were movement and I think my breath caught.

The light of dawn on her skin is breath taking; she was smiling and facing to the sun, clearly basking in the warmth of the early sun and the cold morning breeze. A rather strong wind swept up wisps of her hair and tickled her face and she giggled softly.

A warm wet drop on my hand alerted me and I stopped my hand before I fully spilled my tea on me.

I snapped my mouth shut and swallowed, my mouth was suddenly dry.

Was my mouth hanging? This is embarrassing...

 _"You're quite red in this cold morning Lord Resse!"_ Jin giggled and sat across me.

"Good morning Lady Jin, care to join me for a morning breakfast?" Jin pouted and served herself tea, the sickeningly sweet kind.

_"Thank you, I'd be glad to." so stingy..._

"Excuse me?"

_"Nothing Resse. You look really well today... had a good night sleep?"_

"Surprisingly so. It seems that I had."

She was staring back at me, and I was equally observing her. Her hair is pulled up into a messy bun like she was hurrying; she wore my haori from yesterday. And beneath are, I think her modern clothes. When I was finished scrutinizing and looked back at her face, she offered me a smile.

 _"I wanted to see the dawn on my first morning here.. I’ve always loved the dawn here. And sunsets too.."_ she gazed at the lifting dawn and gave a melancholic smile.

 _"And the mid days..."_ her smile grew wider, _"and the nights...and the late nights ahaha!"_ she laughed at her own words.

I was still drinking her in. Everything seems new, it's like I have to know her again. What changed and what didn’t change.

I want to know how her days had passed when she had gone back to her own time.

Was there a day that she had forgotten us? A day she was so lonely she wants to go back?

 _"What's wrong Resse?.."_ her hands fluttered to mine and her eyes took on a concerned look.

"I... I'm just so glad you're back... I though... that day.. That time was the last time I would ever see you... you said that the pain of piercing my ear will be nothing to the pain we will feel once we're apart..." my breath hitched. I looked back at the garden's greenery. I have to tell her this. She was listening to me intently knowing this will be important.

"And you were right. Every night I kept comparing the pain, and every night I puzzled why the pain in my heart kept on increasing... Then I realized. I can’t just think you didn’t cross my life. I can’t pretend you didn’t exist here. I don’t want to forget you. And the pain became bearable... but there were times it would become so unbearably lonely... when I would hear a saying you always say, or hear a song you have sung, or I would happen a place you always frequent on. I thought I would go insane..."

_"Resse..."_

"Jin... I don’t even know your full name. Or what your favorite food is? Or what your favorite color is.. Or who are the persons in your past-"

Clinking of china as a huge mass of warmth engulfed me. Jin, was hugging me and was whispering

_"I'm so sorry Resse... I'm really really sorry... to think you have gone through that... I-"_

she gasped, and sobbed to my shoulder and held on tightly. a wisp of hair that had come undone slipped from the knot on her head. I tugged on it, she chuckled but didn’t budge.

 _"My full name is Zhuljin Meiya Hao Koujo. My Father is Zhuko Hao Koujo, a High Minister. My mother is Meilin Hao Koujo just a house wife, but she's a really good teacher. I have an elder brother and we're quiet close his name is Lin Hao Koujo. He is a spiritist and works at a psychic research facility. And we have an adoptive little sister; she just turned 2 years old. KoulIHao Koujo and she's the cutest thing ever."_ Her voice was muffled but I can hear the fondness she has for her family.

"Your name is quite a mouthful."

She giggled as she rattled off answers to my questions.

 _"My favorite food is spicy squid, and I really hate carrots. Though in spite of that my favorite color is Orange."_ her head lolled to the side as she attempted to gauge my reaction while she's still resting her cheek on my shoulder.

"I know what you're thinking. And to warn you, I am a very jealous person."

She giggled and attempted again to shift while still not letting go.

I properly draped her across my lap, and she freed her legs to rest at the arm of the chair we're sitting on. She leaned to me and I was perfectly contented to hold her there.

I took a fresh cup and offered it to her. She sipped and offered it back to me. I took a sip too.

Encouraged she continued, she inhaled a deep breath.

_"I have 2 failed relationships before. The first cheated on me, and the second gave up on us."_

"Hmp. A puppy love and an experiment is no threat to me."

_"You know Resse, we're in a very compromising position..." but she didn’t move a muscle to correct it._

"I know, the whole kingdom knew there was something between us before you left. Nothing is less than what they think. And me having a high reputation, they wouldn’t dare to think of something else."

_"We.. we don’t have to rush. We're on a midst of a war..."_

"Nice way of putting me off Zujin."

_"I'm not putting you off... I'm merely saying that you can have what you want. We can get to know about each other first. Everything. I want to share who I am to you. I want you to know me._

_And it's Zhuljin. Resse Silverburg"_

"It's Resse Solomon Silverburg, the solomon came from our fore fathers and every male in our family should carry that name. I love fresh foods and you can’t keep me away from smoked tuna, I hate sweets, but in spite of that, I love the color of honey. Especially honey brown." and I smirked at her, I didn’t let her brace for my next information.

"I've been on countless relationship. All worthless as I didn’t even know why I was in one. I wanted to know what is pleasure, as I was curious how it can make humans submit to one."

 _"Hey!-"_ She pouted, but I continued.

"But a girl buried herself to my mind making it impossible to forget her, when she bullied me into performing a plan. A plan that I didnt knew was a trap, within a trap that I was supposed to figure out in the middle of everything, and play through it like I was meant to."

_"Hmp. I knew you were smart and would catch on in the middle of it."_

I kissed her forehead, and like there was a silent instruction, she slipped her legs from the chair and stood, reached out to the table and cleared our cups.

I took her hand to kiss farewell, she gave an equally warm smile.

 

\---

 

I was actually worried at what would happen at the war meeting.

Our morning was quite intimate, and I kept fretting that we might act inappropriate later.

She came in the war room filing in with the emperor and her old friends. She wore her old clothes, the only difference is her hair was worn free, it cascaded down to her waist, only a few artfully pinned up top off her head. She looked quite regal, and I was more awed, ready to show off.

Ideas exchange, plans, routes, alliances to make, figure heads to be recruited or brought in to help. Ideas to be shot down, back up plans, escape routes and alternate routes, cross alliance and hidden agendas. Plots and plots against us, our counter and hidden counter. Conversations would get heated, she would rudely raise her voice to prove a point, just like before. She would respect my views and she would see its flaws, downfall or would simply commend it. 


	14. Future

_POV Resse:_

 

We were out in the Castle's gardens. The first skirmish against Tora of course was successful, but a magical trap was awaiting the Emperor at the border, because of her quick mind she was able to realize it in time before a huge damage was done and we would have lost our Emperor.

Of course there was minimal damage; the magical trap was a set of fire spells made to explode the moment it was activated.

Jin's arm was bandaged and is hanging in a sling to her chest.

She was peacefully looking at the greenery.

I was trying to blank my mind, trying to forget when our division caught up to them, saw what was left. Seeing her motionless lying on the ground with blood everywhere. She's safe. Here. With me. Just a little hurt. But alive. Definitely alive.

_"Resse.. What could have happened when I died? In the future I mean? Will my body turn up somewhere in the future? Or will my existence be erased?... I haven't thought about the repercussions of this timeline traveling. Just like a ripple in water, it’s bound to have cause and effects. When I came back to my own timeline last time, it's like I have lived a double life, the months that passes I was living as I was. Going to school, coming home, and playing a computer nerd..."_

What she told was so profound the only thing I could ask were the mundane.

"School? Computer nerd?..."

_"Yes.. School.. you know, were you learn things.." she snorts. "I am attending a school to further my knowledge in business management. It's sort of learning to be a successful merchant, but it's more than that.. Computer nerd is a little hard to explain... but you can compare it to being an alchemist. Experiments are useless and results are myth."_

"Huh.." My thoughts keep on scattering about the part where, if supposed, she dies, or about the paradox she might create by coming here.

 _"What are you thinking Resse?..."_ she whispered, I know if I looked at her, she would have looked worried.

"The future..." she grew silent and contemplated that too.

"I want you to be by my side, until this war ends, until you apply what you learned at 'school' here, with me, at the trade market. I want to wake up with you beside me. To grow old and sip tea with you at our own garden. I want to see the Emperor take a wife, have children and we teach them together with our own little ones."

 _"Resse..."_ I can hear her choke on her sob.

"Will it be possible? At the end of all of this? You would not be transported back to your own timeline? You wouldn't be ripped from my side by some unnatural forces? The logical in me highly doubts it. Because you came here by an unnatural force. You will be taken by it too..."

_"Whatever happens, I will always stay by your side...always..."_

"I'm afraid Jin. What if that happened? What if, as you said the ripples disturbed everything so forces unseen decided to just erase you? What if I don’t remember you anymore? What if by some cruel joke, your importance in our history is erased? But you live by us, among us, and we walk across each other, and I don’t remember you."

She scooted closer and put her head on my shoulder and sighed, she sounded weary. It seems she'd already thought about this possibility.

_"...It's only what ifs..''_

"But what ifs are the principles we live by! We make contingencies to it.."

She stood up. a mask fell into place and her voice sounded distant. Cold.

_"Then i'll make a contingency."_

Fuck. I didnt see her at the dinner hall that night and her room was locked. Sometime in the middle of the night I heard a mournful sound from there. She was singing herself a lullaby.. the melody was so haunting.. The words even more so. 


	15. Complete reverse

_POV Jin:_

 

This is one of those rare times that I want to feel imbibed. Drunk. Just to feel that I lost myself. That I let myself go.

Of course I didn’t tell Resse. Why should I? What are we anyway?

I can't forget how her mother gave me a milk curdling smirk. Like I'm dirt under her finger nails. His father. Ha ha ha... Politician, he looks okay, talks okay. Of course I'm suspicious, always giving me patronizing looks. No matter where I am, it will be always the same people. Those who look at names, standing and status.

And what am I here? A nameless woman of unknown standing and origin. Someone who refuses to tell her history. Even if I reveal my name, I doubt if they'd even know it.

But what really did it for me is the total blankness of Resse's face. He didn't stop his mother from accosting me, he didn't divert his father's attention from drilling me with questions of standing and status and court and royal families.

He didn't even acknowledge to his parents what he told me that morning. What he's been implying there after. He introduced me as Lady Jin, second in command of the Emperor's First fleet, Head Strategist's undersecretary. Not even as acknowledgement as a friend, or a comrade.

I know the Emperor whipped his head so fast to that introduction that he cricked his neck. I didn't show weakness of course. I answered smartly and politely, sassing if I can get away with it, and being intelligently sarcastic.

I excused myself early, I was beginning to feel my anger boiling so I had to excuse myself, of course Khaleen and Saeri went with me, I ditched them somewhere in the garden, and I walked the long way back to the stables. I was bent on getting a horse and riding to South Window to drink myself to stupor. Better that, than I trash my room.

Of course, who else to catch me none other than Mazus. He offered to teleport me in exchange of drinking with me.

"Why not? I warn you though, I am not a talker."

"Oh that’s not a problem. I simply need to meet a powerful magic user at south window, and then we drink."

I shrugged, and stepped close to him. He instantly transported us to south window.

I followed him to the inn and he instantly spotted who he was looking for. Not hard to miss, the large ceremonial hat was a dead giveaway.

"Ah, Sasarai!" the guy in the hat turned, and he looked from Mazus to me back to Mazus then to me again then blushed. It would have looked completely comical if he didn't sweep his hat off and gave me a bow.

Mazus laughed heartily at that, and introduced

"Sasarai, this is Lady Jin my sometime magic experiment partner."

Well at least that introduction was not so clinical. I decided to be gracious and smiled a little to Sasarai and thwacked Mazus behind his shoulders.

"But, you're Lady Jin, one of the Emperor's general during the rebellion." I was shocked of course. I didn't think I would be recognized as that, so I told him so.

"Ah, my apologies I sometimes dabble in writing history. Of course I had to know all of the Emperor's generals and battles."

I nodded in acknowledgement, and moved the conversation back to Mazus. I gave them privacy and I moved to the bar. Better start early then if I want to get wasted.

Mazus came back and Sasarai was with him again. Sasarai was eying my drink so I offered. He shook his head as I drowned my umpteenth shot. Not to be extremely rude but spirits here is quite light weight from what I am used to drinking. Mazus saw Sasarai's look at my drink so he felt the need to explain.

"The Lady is feeling cross and angry yes?" I just grumbled and nodded. I wasn't exactly kidding when I said I'm not gonna be talkative.

"Why? Is there something wrong at the palace?"

Mazus laughed at that again, "Oh, it's just that aristocrats and the royal family dined and wanted to meet the emperor's generals. The Silverburgs grated to your nerves no petite? They are quite the puritans especially after Master Kirk Silverburg passed."

"I don't understand. Why would they poke at Lady Jin? She has more than earned her place by bringing the emperor to his seat."

"Exactly!" I blurted out, then shook my head."Please let's not talk about that, I wanted to drink to leave that nasty encounter behind. C'mon Mazus you agreed. I'll talk about anything but that, if you want."

"Shall I drink with you then Lady?" I cocked an eyebrow at him and glanced questioningly to Mazus.

"Why?"

"I find you intriguing." I snorted to show that I'm both not a lady and not intriguing.

Mazus chuckled and hailed for a drink. "I too want to know things Jin."

"Okay, you first Mazus."

"Who are you really?" I gave a loud laugh.

"If you asked me that two days ago, I would have answered to mind your own business. But as it is. I think it doesn't matter much. You already know that I can be summoned right? I'm from a different world and time. From a non magical era but exactly corrupted with rank and greed and filth. There, I am a politician's daughter. That's why I can conduct myself with those royals. But that didn't stop them from treating me as dirt because I don't have the proper last name." I grumbled disgustedly and downed my shot.

Sasarai was sporting a drink too. He tipped it to me before drinking, so I smiled at him again. "What is your last name anyway?" he asked after drinking. Mazus was slowly guzzling his drink and was content in listening.

"Hmm my whole name is quite a mouthful I've been told. It's Zhuljin Meiya Hao Koujo. My Last name would be Hao Koujo. Koujo for my father and the Hao represent the Koujo's family standing. My brother doesn't even use the Hao."

Sasarai immediately tried it out. I giggled at his attempts.

“Mazus says you’re a powerful wizard?” My stomach roiled as I recognize the name.

“I’m-“

“You’re The Harmonian Bishop Sasarai! A-a true rune bearer... I am so so so sorry if I came off rude. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize your name.”

The guy gave a laugh and waved his hand off. I’m surprised he came with no assistants. That just made me curious as to what their meeting is supposed to be.

I glanced at Mazus and he gave a private smile to his cup. “The young man here snuck out of the sanctuary I believe. He wanted me to come with him in search of a hidden ruin. But alas, I am an old man, I shall ask within the barracks, eh?”

I shook my head, “Come to me if you want someone, I’d recommend one to you. And they won’t say no to me.” Mazus smirked at me.

I pointed to the bishop. “What are you looking for in the ruins?”

“Just a magical artifact. More over I’m just looking to break the monotony.”

 

We drank until the Inn's bar closed. Mazus was passed out and Sasarai was no better. But at least he' awake and trying to match me. I told him to sleep it off. He was very impressed when I pushed up and steadily walked to the Inn keeper. I instructed to haul them off and rented a room for them and me. I didn't give word back to the palace where I am.

To hell with them. It's high time they know how I am when pissed.

 

When I came back to the palace half carrying a smashed up Mazus with Sasarai, a few laughed and asked questions but all in all helped me to settle the old man down. I stayed with them for a bit at the inn to make sure everything is all right before going upstairs to my room. I passed by Resse at a hallway and he completely ignored me so I did the same.

Khaleen knocked and asked what happened so I gave him a short version. He flicked me to the head and scolded me that I shouldn't go drinking with men. Then shook his head. Of course I'm incorrigible and impossible. I shooed him after.

I felt myself crumple as my head hit my pillow and I couldn't hold back the tears. It felt like something broke when I realized that a day never passes that I don’t talk to Resse.


	16. Whats the Worst thing?

POV Jin:

 

 

It would be a blatant lie if I tell you that nobody noticed that me and Resse are not talking. The residents of the castle are more discreet of course, but hired help was not so discreet. They would whisper to each other that there is a rift between the strategist, of course I'm hearing things about insubordination, but the whispering about a love triangle was more loud and accepted.

I'm not one for gossips so I don't really pay attention to most of it.

I passed by the open door of the Library again and headed to the garden without pausing now. I used to stop and try to think up of something to say to confront Resse with, but I always come to a blank and I just continue, thoughts scattered, and just wander the gardens. I heard a shuffle as if Resse was busy doing some paper work as I pass by the open door, but I continue on.

What's the worst that can happen?

It's been a week. We would need to march in another two weeks time when the rest of the Emperor's army gathers. We could or we don't have to settle this, as I can see, it doesn't bother him, so that is what's bothering me. It's like were acting like couples one day, have committed like couples, but we never really labelled ourselves, then the next he's completely ignoring me.

I mean, of course I wont show that it's affecting me. But everyday that passes only makes me ill because he wouldn't even indicate what's happening. Was I supposed to figure this out on my own? Is this some... test? Why would he do that like this...

I had the itching need to drown myself again. I need to pass out, not baby some lightweights in a bar.

I was contemplating who my drinking partner would be when I noticed someone entering the garden. Since last week people have been trying discreetly to dip into my thoughts and try to draw me into a conversation, I always wander off of course giving non answers. I gave a sigh and tried to think of an excuse. I have to go back to the emperor, I merely excused my presence for a minute.  
I faced the stranger, and the stranger was equally surprised seeing me. My brain scrambled again as Resse wiped the expression from his face and looked impassively in front of him, his eyes sliding past at me like he didn't saw anyone. I equally blanked my expression. Weren't we the most childish pairs.

The silence stretched to awkwardness but not one of us broke it. my brain was screaming at me but I was stubbornly ignoring it. Speak Jin, Ask Jin, Demand an explanation Jin, Lash out your frustration Jin, Say your heartaches Jin, ASK. SPEAK. SPEAK JIN. ASK JIN. ASK. ASK. ASK HIM.

"Why?" I finally blurted out. His eyes slowly traveled to reach mine, and he looked at me just as impassively. A bitter smile broke out and some warmth came back to his expression.

"I actually thought that you might have deduced an answer to that. Am I correct in the assumption that you refused to think about it?"

"I refuse to give conclusion to it because it will be unfair for you. Whatever... this relationship is between us I automatically gave you my trust... in whatever situation it may be needed. I won't give speculation or assumption or any conclusion because you never said anything. That is how my trust works."

I surprised my self by being exceptionally rational and true about this. Resse gave another bitter smile and looked away.

"You, Lady, gives trust too much. I don't deserve it."

"I'm the judge of that!" the ugly head of my temper reared and I audibly snapped my mouth shut before I say anything more, before I demand, rant or simply be a brat.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I always forget that you are so much more matured than your age. I always forget that. You don't deserve my parent's contempt. And I'm sorry for that."

I finally felt at ease, hearing those words. Like a big block of ice have melted and I was finally free of its weight and cold. I held my smile in as he wasn't finished yet.

"It was because of their notion that I was courting you, and they had already engaged me to a daughter of the royal family in the Unified Islands. They were planning to get her here and engage us formally."

Any feeling on my face froze and I choked down any denial trying to clamor up my mouth, I waited and let him finish.

"I was pressured to accept... even in this midst of war."

It was funny why those last words were the ones that echoed to my head and bounced around. Midst of war... even in midst... pressured... Accept...  
There was a horrible sound that came out of me, something like a cross between a sob and a choke.

I turned my back to him and held a hand to my mouth, afraid that I might just really hurl. "I- i-was-weren-" I cleared my throat and tried again. "Y-you're engaged? Since when?" I wanted to look back at him again but my body wouldn't respond to my commands.

"Apparently since the emperor took back the kingdom. I-i'm sorry... My parents are trying to convince the Emperor to take you off the army but the Emperor wouldn't have any of that."

"They what?!..." I hissed the words as low as i can but he heard it i'm sure.

"I'm on the opinion that you should."

I whirled around and tried to lock eyes with him but he stared away.

"I should what?"

"Go back." he whispered. I saw him twitch, but I was past any emotion now but anger.

"Oh I should? And what would the Emperor say should I vanish suddenly?" I slowly stepped forward to him, accentuating each word with a step. He seems at a loss for words like what he was saying wasn't completely thought out.

"This doesn't seem completely thought out Lord Silverburg." I drew again nearer. Anger sharpening my voice making my words come out as sarcastic. "This doesn't seem like you. Let's make this into one of your war plans then, I should counter with the flaws and an alternate solution?"

"One big flaw is, I already have a battalion under me, trained specifically on how I counter. Anyone who handles them wrong, then they are completely useless. Moving to smaller flaws, the Emperor wouldn't take it kindly if he knew you were the one who banished me. No that's not a threat, I respect you plenty Lord Silverburg."  
I saw him twitch again when I said the name.  
"Another flaw, morale will be quite low if i suddenly vanish and the talk of quarrel among the generals will further divide the army. People always uses opportunity like this. You should know." I added softly.

"I propose that you have another party. Let your engagement be known throughout the kingdom then I shall congratulate you publicly. Also, don't turn away whenever you meet me at the hall way or the mess hall. Learn to act naturally. Don't be afraid."

He was looking at me wide eyed like he couldn't believe I had just rationalized something like that.  
"Don't worry, I won't be difficult and I won't interfere. After this, you won't ever have to see me."

"You've done this before."

I felt my anger rising again. "Yes, and I'm pathetically entangled in the same situation. That's why i'm saying don't worry, I know exactly how to handle this."

"You're very blase about all this."

I suddenly stalked forward, I so wanted to hit him. He almost stepped back, but a slap wouldn't give me the outlet I was craving.

I just gave him the most disgusted glare I could muster and walked out of the garden. I didn't feel my heart breaking and I was waiting for it. The moment when I will realize it's implications and break down. But as of the moment I maybe luckily numb.

"Goodbye Resse." I whispered over my shoulder.

 

Was there a worst thing that could happen?


End file.
